I'm not sure how it happened. I never wanted to climb the corporate ladder. It seems as if one day I awoke to find that I was carrying a soft leather brief case to work, sporting an ipod on my hip, and wondered how I got here. I have always carefully chosen jobs that were not steady. I was a waitress and good at it. I choose a position where I could have freedom in my schedule and take off at will. I am a traveler at heart, you see. I suppose that one day my wallet became incensed at it's miss treatment and began to protest at rather loud volumes. So it was that I sold my freedom for a bit of security in a steady paycheck. I must have forgotten my valued quote from good old Ben: "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. " -Ben Franklin Now the trick is to gain freedom, which is ever so illusive, even when you are severed from your "Thy rope of sands, Which petty thoughts have made, and made to
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Feet. My feet are itching to walk. And not just walk but hike and backpack. These are things that I have loved for a long time and yet in all the rat race that is the City Life I have trampled on these desires for a long time. Going and seeing Colorado broke open something inside of me and now the yearning for something else has come alive, full of promise. I'm going to hike on Friday and yet it doesn't seem enough to go and hike at the local lake trail... I want to put in a good 15 or 20 mile hike and then camp leaving more walking out before you, more to anticipate. It's funny how when you stay in a place for too long how you achieve such a false sense of security as well as a fear of what is out there. The longer you stay put the greater the fear. Some times an all consuming and rarely rational (even when based on rational reasoning, the fear remains out of proportion.) fear that is crippling. I don't feel much of that fear and yet I still feel crippled, confined. Th
I have experienced more suffering than I am able or willing to share and at times I wonder what the purpose is to so much pain... Wonder how people are able to hate so much and hurt so much. I never cease to be amazed at the horrors that mankind devise when I know so many good people. It seems as if the persentage of evil people out there is small. Is it simply that those who are hurtful are so many or that they are so vile, or both that accounts for so much horror in the world? I have come to understand that my suffering is because of who I will become. Great suffering leads to great compassion. One day we will run free. Unfettered.
Colorado holds so much more presence than I had thought. I didn't not want to leave and I lingered in those snow capped peaks for as long as I could. I would move there if only I could conceive of meeting the cost of living. It is an experience that can change you if you let it. What awesome breathtaking majesty! Now I know why the bible says "to the hills I lift my eyes" I lived in California and have seen the sierra Nevada, but this was something more.
Have you ever noticed how much credit we give to good writers. You could call them storytellers and you could call them manipulators. Both words fit, and still they are more... Most easily attribute wisdom to people because of how they present information, analyzing the presentation and ignoring the content. People have always been susceptible to grandiose speeches, from Alexander the Great, to Winston Churchill and Adolph Hitler. people are so driven by their emotions that if you can tap into them you can change people's beliefs. The problem is they will continue to change like the direction of the wind, easily believing in the next New Truth just as easily as the Last. Not everyone, just the ones who are over ruled by emotion. A fine line exists between people who are guided by their emotions and people who simply let the emotions sweep over them overruling sense. Lastly their are the people who lack emotion, if people you can call them. And still it seems that a person devoid
My Life list: Sky dive Travel: I want to see Europe and parts of Asia, although anywhere would be a good start. Eat filet Minion (Did that in Indianapolis!) Get into an Art School Road Trip: go back home to Northern California, see the Red woods and the beach. Marriage Have someone to walk me down the isle, to give me away: my mom is a single one... Children: My mom always wishes my children to be just like me! Hey mom, I love precocious children. Write: I love to write, and would like to write a book one day Own a sports car, standard, convertible: I used to want a blue corvette convertible but now who knows? Own a home, My home. Have a beautiful kitchen: I love to cook and want lots of counter space! Two ovens! A bit of an art studio: just some space that belongs to my art and creative thought.
A thousand dollar Mistake. I'm not the kind of person who has twenty dollars to blow or even spend frivolously. So kissing a grand good bye is not even something I thought I would have an opportunity to experience. Everyone says don't mix business with pleasure, but I find that most of them are hypocrites. $1,000's later I am here to tell you that just because you are a hypocrite doesn't make you wrong. I bought A car from the best of friends and do you know what I have? I have a promise to fix it, a car that runs when it feels like it with no way to predict when that will be, and a best of friend that no longer returns my phone calls. I never thought I had the words sucker tattooed on my forehead. I never liked tattoos. (she has a tinkerbell tattoo, do you think there is a connection?) I never figured that I could afford to purchase a thousand dollar lesson, but now I just have to say: Lesson learned! I think I shall become a hypocrite, do you think there is a job open
I had always planed to go to college. I'm two years out of high school and still not in college. It doesn't bother me though, which is good since it seems to bother everyone else. It's funny, really, I can't see putting myself in that much debt not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's an expensive venture and not one I plan to fail at. I have a high school teacher who understands me. I had gone back to see him and I was talking to him about what was going on in my life. He told me that the peace I had in my life at the time was worth more than being where everyone felt I should be. He is also the one who has had more faith in me then most. It's funny really because although I do have many interests I have always wanted to attend one school. I have a lot of hang ups about applying there and it has taken me a very long time to decide I would go for it. It's funny how one persons belief in another can have such a profound effect on someone. I